what do i do?

What Do I Do? has changed meaning for me so much since I first wrote it a year and a half ago. I used to abhor love songs to the point where I would tell people that I’d only write a love song if it avoided the words “I” “love” and “you” in any way. I didn’t think that most songwriters said anything revealing or interesting in love songs anymore and I wanted to avoid their ranks, especially if love songs were something I was, as an artist, “supposed” to write. So I wrote about anxiety instead. I had plenty of that in my life, so why not write about what you know?

Then I started timidly to leave my shell. However, being so isolated from strangers for so long, I had a hard time meeting new people and I was so nervous about what I was getting myself into when I found myself engaged in the occasional social setting that all I could think about was what I was doing right and wrong instead of just enjoying the moment. This song was written in that frame of anxiety.

But why did I choose to blatantly use the word “love” in this song? Perhaps I began to understand what love really was, rather than what I was told that love was supposed to be. Perhaps I was getting sick of limiting my vocabulary and wanted to explore new lexicons in my lyrics. Perhaps it was a symbol of my newfound self-confidence, and surely someone who was so sure of himself could use any damn word he pleases, no matter what others may think of him.

Now I look upon this song from the point of view of an outsider. What was once a personal account of a person questioning what he should do with a person’s graces, I now wonder if this is something that most people do. Are some people ashamed of love to the point where we’re genuinely scared that there could be someone out there who looks after people’s well-being for no particular reason other than compassion? Do some people try to make excuses to stay in relative misery when happiness is but an embrace away? Or do some people believe in an ideal to the point where they become disillusioned when it fails to happen to them the way they expected it to happen?

thirteen

Thirteen was supposed to be…I dunno. I remember getting very excited at how it sounded in my head, and I really liked the lyrics at the time. But now it sounds a bit too sappy and juvenile, I suppose. Maybe if I put a little more care into how I recorded this one, or if I had a band to record this with…but then again, if it doesn’t sound right stripped down like this, then how can covering it up with layers of sound make it better?

Sorry Thirteen, I don’t mean to harsh on you. You’re a good song. Awwwww.

leave it on the island

I suppose that Leave It On The Island has remained one of the more accessible pieces of recording I’ve done to date, although I must admit that it’s perhaps that very reason that I’ve been so timid about listening to this one. It presents me at one of my most exposed, that I chose not to let drum machines, synthesizers, or even microphone distortion from hiding the voice within the music, and it’s been uncomfortable to hear me like this.

At least with most of the other Black Candy Plus tracks they sound dissonant for a few reasons, the shame of my underdeveloped voice being one of them. But at the same time, I’m glad that I did this. I’m also surprised that I did this on a record that I’ve shared with a wide group of people, for better or for worse. And it turns out that they tend to enjoy this one more than the pseudo-punk-experimental-electronic tracks. Who knew?

Since then, I’ve tried to make it more of a priority to embrace that side of my songwriting, because in the end, the genesis of many of my songs sound much like “Leave It On The Island”, and to record them otherwise takes away the innocence and magic of the original. Hopefully, the experimentation adds something positive in that void (which for the most part I think I accomplish, more or less), but if I can develop both sides for long enough, maybe something really amazing can come from it.

So with that in mind, I’ve made a couple records, which will slowly find their way on the Democore website in the next couple of months or so, with that intimate sound in mind. Once I have all of the Black Candy Plus stuff online and running, I think I’ll be aiming for a 14 June debut for a 12 song LP and a 14 song LP. The songs are ready, just need to work on the artwork…

set

For Set I used a Fisher-Price Pull-A-Tune xylophone (a misnomer, as by definition xylophones have wooden keys, but perhaps Fisher-Price didn’t think that kids could spell “glockenspiel”, I don’t know) circa 1978 for this one. I totally remember the one I had growing up in Plymouth, but this is not the same one, as far as I know. If it is, though, I wish I could ask it what kind of adventures it had…

Me: Hey Mr. Xylophone! You are so awesome!
Xylophone: Yeah, like twenty years ago…
Me: Whatchu been up to, homes?
Xylophone: You put me in storage for over a freaking decade, then sold me at a tag sale for a dollar! Not cool.
Me: Dude, I couldn’t play you forever, you know. The clarinet has like a million more notes, and you could blast that noise for sure.
Xylophone: What? Screw the clarinet!
Clarinet: Yo, that’s whack, dog. I didn’t do nothin’ to nobody.

Nah, this couldn’t have been my Pull-A-Tune. Mine would have killed me in my sleep by now. This one is totally loved.

dial z

Dial Z was one of my early fave compositions that originally was a song for Phosphates. However, we never got around to make an original recording, so I thought I’d give it the Black Candy treatment, doing away with the rock band sound in favor of three voices and a guitar. Both versions are pretty awesome, and if I have permission from my former Phosphate members, I’d like to find and post the rock band version as well. But until then, enjoy yet another observation of the city, albeit a little more political than usual.

early dismissal

Perhaps one of my favorite personal pieces of filler I’ve made so far, Early Dismissal was improvisationally recorded with only a bass and a keyboard on about maybe 20 seconds of tape. It cut off way too soon for my brain to comprehend, but I listened to those 20 seconds over and over until I asked my friend Brendan to do what he could to loop the tape and whatnot. We even came up with the name of the track together. Teamwork!

Oh, and if you’re reading this Lauren, Happy Birthday, ya l’il scamp.

bantam

Bantam, Connecticut is a borough of the larger town of Litchfield, and it has about 800 people, an eponymous lake, a sweet thrift shop and a movie theater. The lyrics were inspired by a visit to Litchfield and its surrounding towns during a strange Thanksgiving adventure about a couple years ago. There was shouting, driving, and singing abound. I had other instruments recorded for this track but it didn’t sound quite right, so I thought that I might as well make it sound apparent that it’s kind of an off-track song. Hope I done good, slice dog.

american, i

The American Series, #6:

That’s it, I’m a-gone live in Cuba now.

Joking, joking, joking. Miss out on the fireworks here? Bloody likely, my friend.

american, n

The American Series, #5:

Empires are silly things. All that hard work, only to incinerate in a blaze of glory.

american s

The American Series, #4:

I was going to paraphrase a George Carlin quote for this one, but I thought that instead I’ll just let the whole quote speak for itself. Not that I ENTIRELY agree with all of this, but should I entirely agree with anybody on anything? Besides, it saves me the trouble of tweaking it to my liking.